YES, I actually do want heart painted nails (2024)

I went to my usual nail appointment last week with a child like enthusiasm for Valentine’s Day and the dream of Instagram worthy heart themed nails. Wait let’s go back a bit. I actually really like the woman who does my nails (we’ll call her Lei for this narrative), and in another universe that didn’t separate us by our immensely different backgrounds and cultures (Lei’s a Vietnamese immigrant and I currently drive a Mercedes with a Cinderella License plate), I think we would actually be friends. Having said that, I’m a little afraid of her. Lei’s a sort of no nonsense kind of person. One time she was waxing my eyebrows while angrily telling me a story about her daughter and I ended up with the dreaded skinny 90’s brow. The point is I try to keep on her good side.

Over the past several years that I’ve been seeing Lei for my two week gel manicure, there have been many challenges over color. Anyone that gets their nails done knows that the first hurdle of the appointment is color selection. Of all the choices in a week, for some reason this seemingly simple one can leave me completely betwixt. Lei makes this process a little harder because she doesn’t like painting all of the colors they offer and being their most seasoned nail tech, I’ve found she’s usually right about the crappy colors. My recent solution to this has been to research ahead of time the color that I want and show her a picture when I come in. Lei then finds a match with a polish that she likes, WIN WIN. That is until this week.

The design I’d picked for the upcoming two weeks of romance included a dark red (almost purple) French tip along with a small heart in the same tip color poignantly placed vertically center at the bottom of each ring finger nail. Please see exhibit 1 below for my dreamy exotic hand visual. Now you should know, this was by far the simplest of Valentine’s designs that I had encountered in my internet searches. Truly confident kerry would have loved a really playful multi-colored stripe pattern, but having never asked Lei to do a design before, I thought it wise to start with something small.

Upon arrival I showed Lei the photo and we set to work on the matching color selection for the tip and the hearts. Lei put forth two initial options which definitely appeared more brown red then purply red. I suggested a few other potential colors for which she objected. I eventually conceded to one of her first color choices at which point she said, well kerry you are the one who has to like it, to which I thought, you are 100% right Lei, I should very much like it. We then found some kind of begrudgingly mutual ground color and got down to the business of it.

About three quarters of the way through the manicure, Lei told me she is unable to paint hearts or do any kind of nail art. She said she had asked one of the other girls (in Vietnamese) and they would complete the heart component of my manicure for me. I was immediately flooded with not so great feelings. We were already off to a bad start with the color selection and now I had a much clearer understanding of what was happening. There were a lot of big uncomfortable feelings on both sides of that little table where we sat hand in hand.

This is where it gets really notable. Because I value connection, every part of my 46 year old self wanted to say, It’s ok Lei we can just do the French mani and ditch the heart. But I didn’t. I thought to myself, I’m a really good client at this nail salon and I’ve been coming here for a long time. A small heart on two nails is really not a lot to ask for (also what kind of extraordinary manicurist are these Instagram influencers actually going to). And then I just sat in it. I was uncomfortable and said ok. Lei moved to the other’s manicurist’s table and picked up in place on her interrupted work and the heart painter sat down with me and pulled out her tools. I uncomfortably showed her the picture of what I was looking for and she very quickly started painting. Lei looked over at me expressionlessly. This now felt really bad.

Upon seeing the first painted heart, I was annoyed. It wasn’t exactly the right size and it was in the wrong spot. Now I had to ask her to remove it and start again. Just kidding, I’ve come a long way in my self confidence in situations such as this, but at that point it felt beyond my ability to stand up for myself even further and ask her to restart. I said thank you and she quickly painted the other finger and sent me on my way.

I was grumpy for the rest of the day. I relayed the story to Alan and Jake over dinner at which they looked at me kind of strangely and really didn’t have much to say. Directing my anger inward, I thought to myself you sound petty and ridiculous, why is this something you’re still thinking about.

I’m still thinking about it because it’s total sh*t the way I and so many other people go about their lives trying not to upset those around us for fear of feeling uncomfortable feelings. In reality, the feeling of not truly asking for what you want and therefore being unable to fully express yourself is way worse in the long haul then the temporary discomfort of being true to yourself in the moment. I’ve personally found that years of doing this leads to pent up anger and frustration, passive aggressive behavior and inward self loathing. Speak up people. Be honest about what you want, what you're ok with and what you’re not ok with. Read The Book of Boundaries. Most importantly learn to sit with discomfort. Feelings are just visitors. They come and go. It’s a form of self-love to hold true to what you want to make happen in your life. The only way to do that is to have good boundaries around what you will and will not do as well as what you will and will not accept in term of behavior from others.

On the positive side, I did stand-up for the hearts which is huge progress in my own self-love and boundary work. I’ve also decided that it just might be time to find a new manicurist, which is ok too. Relationships that aren’t serving your best self can end. People change, Lei and colorful striped nail kerry just might not be a good fit moving forward. I for one want to fully express my best self in all of the playful, chic, flirtatious, sultry, polished and oh so glam ways I possibly can!

Since my friends often ask me about different products I’m using and I completely love sharing, I’ve decided that each Friday I’m going to send along some of my self-love and beauty favorites.

MY FRIDAY FIVE

1. Un-Dew & Lo-Foam Cleansers
   Do you double cleanse your skin? I’ve read a ton about this over the past year and have finally given it a try. I recently purchased Un-Dew and Lo-Foam from freeSKIN by Tessa. Tessa Zolly is a California based Esthetician and acne specialist. I regularly listen to her podcast “The Treatment Room” and get a lot out of it. You can follow her on Instagram @myestytessa and also shop all of her products from there or visit tessaskin.com. I’ve found the Un-Dew is a really gentle make-up remover and feels great while massaging your skin and the Lo-Foam is everything you’re looking for in a gentle no-soap cleansing and foaming gel. My skin feels super clean and refreshed and not overly dry after using these products, plus it’s helped me eliminate some other harsh make-up removers from my skin care routine.

2. GREEN ENVEE REFINE Polishing Facial Scrub

   Green Envee is another line of moderately priced skin-care products I’ve found through various esthetician recommendations. I use their vitamin C brightening serum and now their facial scrub for a once a week exfoliation. I found the scrub through the handful of free products they send with every new order. Overall I really like this whole line of products and am excited to continue trying new ones. If you enjoy a good now and again exfoliation for some self-loving moments, ditch the St. Ives and give this a try.

3. Victoria Beckham Vast Lash Volumizing Mascara & Satin Kajal Liner

   While a little pricier, this is literally the mascara and eyeliner of my dreams. I think worth every penny. It does beautiful things to my lashes, gives them great volume and separation and doesn’t clump when building on a second layer. It also doesn’t really smudge or run down my face (although this has more to do with process I think then the actual mascara). The Kajal liner comes in beautiful colors, glides on smooth, has a handy smudge brush and stayed relatively put in place for the better part of my day.

4. Embryolisse lait-crème concentré

   Ok this is an easy one and super inexpensive. Embryolisse is the go to moisturizer of oh so many French women for a reason. It’s nothing short of awesome and it’s inexpensive. I tend toward dry skin and this product is no doubt the best straight forward moisturizer I have ever used. There are multiple variations of it and while I love the smell of this one the best, I have good things to say about the anti-aging one and would pretty much try any of their products. If you experience dryness in anyway and/or aren’t thrilled with your current moisturizer, consider switching to this. You can purchase via Amazon for less than $20.

5. Talking Money with Shannah Game on The Everyday Style School Podcast

   I don’t know about you but I haven’t always had a great relationship with money. I’ve spent a lot of my self-help time working through this and healing the parts that felt unworthy of all the freedom and joy financial security can provide. I’m definitely in a better space and flow with money in my current reality then I ever have been in the past. I could write a ton more about this but for now I’ll tell you that I was totally impressed with Shannah Game’s conversation about the history of our relationship with money on this podcast. I went into it with very low expectations. I kind of felt like why we are we talking about money on my style podcast and then immediately sent it to Liv to listen to when I finished. It’s the perfect place to start exploring your relationship with money if you’ve never taken a deep dive down that rabbit hole. You can listen to the podcast here.

That’s all for now. Thanks so much for following my Substack. The past two weeks of writing this has been so liberating and exciting. I’m blown away by how easily this has poured fourth from my brain to my hands and onto this page and so eager to continue to share with you!

Bye for now - kerry